Tuesday, June 30, 2009

About 50 more days...

until law school starts.

I don't think it has hit me yet that I'm starting law school in about a month and a half. I've just more or less have accepted it as a fact. Haven't really thought much about it.

Though, I was reading something, I think this startled me more than anything. Because what if I don't do well in law school or well enough? And then I don't pass the bar! And if you don't pass the bar, then those three years were kind of a waste, right? And I'm not talking like, failing the bar the first time or second, I'm talking about taking the thing 20 times and still failing! Ugh. I don't even want to think of it. The whole thing just scares me. Though I am trying to keep things in perspective. It seems very silly to be scared of failing the bar when I haven't even started law school yet! So obviously, I'm being a bit ridiculous.

I'm blaming my silliness on one of my best friends from childhood who is also starting the same law school with me in the fall. She and I talked last night and she sounded...frantic. Which is strange to me because this is a girl who graduated valedictorian from high school, was the only Honors Scholar in her college and graduated college with a 4.0. She also works at the capital in my state and recently got a call from the President of the state's school system to prep her about a press conference she was giving that afternoon. She's obviously a high achiever. It's strange to hear her be worried about something like law school already, because I figure if any one will succeed there, she will.

I think once I buy my new laptop and books for class in the fall, everything will begin to feel more real.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


One of my close friends from high school/college (she was my roommate for three semesters and I loved living with her) got married on Saturday, the 20th. Though she and her (now) husband are my age (21) they have been together for almost 5 years now. They are both adorable and love each other so much. I know it's sappy, but for them, it's true. And for them, though I usually can't stand sappy, mushy, lovey-dovey stuff, I make my exception for them.

I was her maid of honor. It was a lot of funny and fortunately, since this wedding has been in the work for almost four years now, there wasn't too much that I had to do. Although, the only thing they had professionally done were the flowers and those turned out to be Pepto Bismol pink which was not at all what she asked for and they were all carnations, not the white roses she wanted either. So about two hours before the wedding, I and one of her sister-in-law's took apart the flower bouquets that the florist put together and re-did the arraingements with the white roses that her fiance bought. The new bouquets turned out beautiful and in plenty of time before the wedding.

It was a great weekend. I'm kind of surprised I had so much fun at the wedding, but maybe since it was people that I cared about I had more fun.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


So, my last post was more or less about a friendship that is, or maybe isn't, falling apart.

What I would like is to have a friendship like House's and Wilson's.

Yeah, House is a jerk and Wilson is inhumanely patient with him, these exaggerations of character seem to concrete that it's just a tv show, but still! I want a friendship like that, just where two people honestly care about one another.

I want to be Wilson though.

I want a friendship like Denny and Alan's too (on Boston Legal). I love them together. As individuals, they are okay, for the most part I prefer Shirley. But together, they are wonderful. To me, the end where Denny and Alan are sitting on the balcony reflecting on the day and smoking their big cigars is the best part of the show. Sure, the grandiose speeches are nice at times, but it's the friendship that I love.

When you search "denny and alan" a better picture shows up with them dressed as flamingos, but I didn't feel up to explaining that.

Nothing new on the law school front. I walked over to the administrative building on campus to have them send my transcript to the law school and there is probably less than 100 feet between the two. Lots of time and energy wasted with bureaucracy bullshit but oh well. I guess it must be done....

Sunday, June 14, 2009


When I first created this blog, my intent was for it be a 'blawg.' I only wanted to talk about applying to law school, the application process, acceptances, denials, classes, the bar, and my future (hopefully) law career. I made the decision to not talk about other aspects of my life. I figured that I may occasionally talk about dating, my family and friends, but I didn't want to dig any deeper than that. I only intended to skim that surface. I have other online journals where I discuss my friends and my own issues, I didn't want this blog to be that outlet. I didn't think I needed this blog to be that for me, but then I deleted a blog that I used as that outlet and my friends used to serve as an outlet for me to voice some of my frustrations and problems, well, that has kind of gone sour in some ways. Which is what I want to discuss now.

I still intend for this blog to only discuss law school and the other areas connected to that realm. But this post will be a detour.

Tonight I have been working on some worksheets for my psychologist appointment in the morning. I go to a psychologist because I have some depression, sexual abuse, self-esteem, and body image problems. The body image problems could be considered, severe, I suppose. So, most of the time, that is what my psychologist and I discuss. That is what my worksheets tonight are on. One of the worksheets has me imagining a day where I am totally at peace with my body and appearance. One of the questions on this worksheet is: How would the people in your life be different? I wasn't sure how to answer this question. For the most part I figured my friendships would be the same. I didn't think my friends would be any different, I didn't think I would have any more or any less friends, I figured that I would still be single as well. I asked my friend Amelia for more input though.

Amelia and I hit a particularly rough patch a few months ago. Basically, I was having a very rough time and I felt like she wasn't there for me. She has a boyfriend and this fact is important because she is one of those people who automatically puts her significant other first, even if she has only been with them for a week, they come before everyone else. Since I was feeling particularly bad, I thought she might make an exception for me. After all, I'm usually always there for her when she's feeling depressed or having boyfriend problems. I didn't feel like I was asking that much, but she basically told me that she didn't want to deal with me and my issues. I got angry. I told her I couldn't talk to her for a week because she was making me feel worse about myself. Needless to say, she didn't take that very well. She got angry at me. My roommate felt I was in the right. Amelia hadn't been there for me when I was needing her the most and my roommate saw how I would drop anything I was doing to be there for Amelia. For a while I didn't want to be friends with Amelia any longer. However, Amelia still wanted to be friends, so I didn't put up a fight. Besides, I felt like I had to take what I could get.

Fast forward to tonight, things between me and Amelia have been okay. We're not as close as we used to be at all, but we are okay. I asked her what she thought I should put for the answer. She said something along the lines of what I thought - that things would be the same. I made the mistake of replying that I thought friendships wouldn't be improved either. That opened a can of worms that I had been carefully monitoring myself to be sure to not open it again. Her reply was that "Ugh when you say it like that I don't like it. Weight and body image almost made us not be friends. It is influential. You've just stopped letting it control our friendship because you knew I didn't like it." I just conceded that she was right. How I feel about my body is significant. She replied something like, don't worry, be happy and that settled the issue.

But, I'm still a bit irritated. Should I be? I don't know, but I am. I want to say that we never would have had problems if she could have just been there for me at the beginning. My problems with my body and my appearance were only a distraction, the real problem was her treatment of her friends. How I felt like she was treating. And now, or still, I feel like she thinks all of our problems were my fault, in some way. The whole tensions and problems from month ago settled nothing. I know that. I have known that. It just still...bothers me at times. I don't like having to monitor myself so carefully around someone that I once used to be completely open with. Someone I used to consider my best friend, the person I thought would always be there for me. Friends have always been such a top priority to me, I have trouble understanding sometimes that it isn't the same for other people.

Maybe I've been in the wrong the whole time. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter anymore, anyways. Nothing changed. I just wanted to voice my frustration. So, thanks for that.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

This weekend

Friday was pay day at work. I can almost afford this. I just want a laptop that is small, light, and has a long battery life. Supposedly this laptop's battery life lasts for seven hours. Sounds good to me. I don't want to have to buy another battery for law school exams. A friend of mine (she is now a 2L) told me that some of her 1L exams lasted up to 5 hours and that she had to buy extra batteries for her laptop so that she could finish her exams since she wasn't able to actually plug in her laptop to keep it charged (my law school building is a bit behind with technology in the classrooms). I actually can now afford this laptop, but I can't afford to put Microsoft Word on it, so might as well wait until I have enough money for that too.

On Saturday, my brother came up. I had him drive all around town and tried to point out restaurants and shops to him and his girlfriend. I also showed them the trails and caves that are around as well. It was fun. I like having him down here. I'm really beginning to look forward to August.

He left today. We went here for lunch and it was delicious. I'm kind of sad to see him go. He said he'll be up on Thursday though.

Work tomorrow. It's not so bad, just monotonous. I like having somewhere to go and something to do and to be paid for it as well. Just, my brain is so inactive. Oh well, that'll likely change in August.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Class Schedule

Class schedules have been posted. I have Civil Procedure on Tuesday and Thursday, though I start my Tuesdays and Thursdays with Lawyering (a "how to be a lawyer" type class) at 8:30. Could be earlier, I guess. Since I'm only about walking distance of five minutes from my apartment to the law school... I'm not too concerned about the time. I have Contracts three days a week and Torts four days a week. My friend, Connie, is jealous because her Civil Procedure class is three days a week, while mine is only two. Oh! I'm kind of bummed. I wanted to be in the same section as Connie. But, of course, since there are only two sections, she's in section one, while I'm in section two. Figures. Oh well, we did compare our schedules and find that we have class at most of the same time in the building, so it's not like our schedules completely mismatch or something like that. It just would have been nice to know that I have someone completely in my corner and I in her's.

I only have one class on Fridays though, thus far. One of my classes (Legal Research and Writing) has yet to be scheduled. So that class could ruin things. Meh.

My brother and mom were up yesterday and today. He was visiting Undergrad school for his schedule and summer welcome stuff for the fall. He has his class schedule in order now too. As a nerd, I'm super excited about this. Plus, he's majoring in engineering, which is amazing to me. I only thought briefly about majoring in engineering. I had such a tough time in physics that it seemed like a ridiculous idea to me. So, I'm excited for him. I hope he sticks with it.

I'm thinking of putting this design on my wall in my new apartment, but maybe in a different color. Then again, the price is a bit high to me. Hmmm, something to consider I think.

It is Lola's birthday today! She's 6 (or 42 in human years).

Isn't she pretty? Well, I think she is...

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Blog Award!

So Chere, over at Teasingly Diverse tagged me for a blog award.

Pretty cool, huh?

Though I have to do the following:

Firstly you have to tell your readers 10 things about you they may not know, but that are true. Secondly you have to tag 10 people with the award.

1.) I started college at 16...well, sort of. I transferred to a high school where my junior and senior classes were all college classes and when I graduated, I transferred about 80 credits.

2.) That high school was math and science based. I've taken up to Calculus 2 and have taken University Physics 1 and 2.

3.) I used to be on the golf team in high school.

4.) I desperately want a dog, but can't have one at my current apartment or at my future apartment either.

5.) I love Washington D.C., and hope to live there someday, if only for a year or two.

6.) I have never been to Europe. I have been to Bermuda, Canada, Mexico, and the Turks and Caicos.

7.) I sunburn really badly and really easily. I have blistered many times, so I try to avoid the sun as much as possible.

8.) I tend to be apart of a trio. In middle and high school, I had two best friends. At the high school/college, I had two best friends. In the college I just graduated from, I had two close best friends. All of my close friends have been female too. I typically have one male friend. I guess I just don't easily relate to guys...

9.) When I get nervous, I become intensely focused on my watch and get shaky.

10.) I am addicted to Starbucks. I should quit, I know, but... I don't know. The grande non-fat chai tea lattes are so good!

Okay, the hard part for me is to tag 10 other bloggers.

1.) Preaching to the Choir
2.) no634
3.) K
4.) NoReins Girl
5.) Jamie
6.) i don't wear skinny jeans
7.) Thanks, but no thanks
8.) Daisy
9.) Legal Aims
10.) delicious torts

So, a lot of these blogs I've only commented on once or twice, but they are all blogs I like and like to read! Sorry to be a bit of a creeper... but yay award! Does that make up for it? Let's hope so.